My amazing daughter Kayla is our oldest, she and her husband Jeremy have three boys diagnosed with Autism. Recker is the oldest 8 and 1/2, Ezra is 5 and Theo just turned 2. We love these boys so much, our entire family is in love…
Tag: Side Effects
June 17, 2010
Just a few of my favorite desserts with lots of sugar and white flour…….
german chocolate cake
my favorite creme brulee’
brownies with nuts
coconut cream pie
I decided to cut out sugar and white flour from my diet. This all started on Monday. So since Monday I have lost 8 pounds, I am amazed at the amount of sugar I eat, and until you cut it out you don’t realize it. I have not eaten anything with sugar, no salsa, no sauces, nothing with sugar… when you read some of the labels of food you regularly buy you may be surprised how many foods have sugar in them. So I am getting all my sugar naturally from fruit, which I also love.
The white flour has not been as big a problem for me, but I also have no cookies or cakes in the house, anyone who knows me knows I love to cook, I love to bake, usually baking includes sugar and flour. I am not going to omit these completely from my diet I will allow myself one day a week to indulge. Probably Sundays will be the best since my family all comes over for dinner and I usually make a dessert. I don’t promise to stick to this but I am sure going to try. The 1st couple of days I had a major head ache, but it has passed now and I feel so much better, my body feels stronger and detoxed.
May 23, 2010
I’ve had some funny and interesting things happen to me this week. At one point my hair (or lack of) was completely consuming my thoughts and difficult for me to get past, anymore I don’t think about it too much. Yesterday I was looking in the mirror and thinking I needed a little color on my body, I know I can’t lay in the sun (at least from the chest up) and I don’t want to lay in the sun. I have some bronzing lotions that I use sometimes but they are so much maintenance, so I made up my mind that I was going to go get a spray tan, after all as women we all need a little “pick me up” once in awhile. The hot flashes are getting worse, the fatigue and insomnia is not any better maybe doing something for myself will help me feel a little better. First I needed to go grocery shopping, tomorrow is Sunday and I didn’t have anything for dinner yet, so off to Walmart I went with my list in hand. On the way into the store I noticed this lady with a huge bouffant hair do thing going on…. on the top of her head, it took me back to the early 70’s I remember my mom had hair like that, I immediately thought, how nice that she feels comfortable enough to go out into public. She then disappeared from my sight into the east entrance while I went into the west entrance. I was busy going up and down the aisles getting the ingredients I needed, I looked up as I was putting some diced green chilies in the cart to see the bouffant lady walking straight towards me, I had this feeling she was going to say something to me, yep sure enough hear she comes
Lady: “whoever does your hair does not do a very good job”
then she pulls out a business card and hands it to me
Lady: “Hear is the business card of the lady that does my hair”
I’m thinking seriously? She has got to be kidding me, uh no such luck she was totally serious.. I started to laugh then said
Me: “Um, I have cancer, I didn’t cut my hair this way”
then in a very sarcastic voice, as if to say I was the one being rude she says
Lady: “OH…., WELL I Didn’t KNOW”
and she walked off with her beehive hair do and her nose in the air…. very, very funny I could not stop laughing at the irony.
That’s what I get for judging her hair in the parking lot, I would of never said anything to her but still I did think about her hair and wondered if she had been introduced to the 2000’s. Who knows maybe that style is coming back, what do I know? I may have just passed on an incredible opportunity to have my hair done by the latest and most fashionable hairdresser. Styles of clothes are always coming in and out, maybe hair fashion is too.
I left Walmart thinking about getting my spray tan and hoping I would have enough energy after all I needed to do today. Haleigh called and asked me to get her SUBWAY on my way home, when I walked into SUBWAY the lady behind the counter was very exuberantly expressing how much she loved my hair
SUB GIRL: ” OH MY GOODNESS, I love your hair”
ME: “Thank you, I appreciate you saying that”
SUB GIRL: “Are you attracted to females?”
at this point I’m thinking this is not going to end well for me I just know it…huge gulp and lump in the throat
ME: “Um, no not really”
SUB GIRL: “That’s too bad, you would be a huge turn on at the club I go to, I was going to ask you to go with me tonight”
OK this girl is so excited and smiley I can’t help but smile too, I’m just thinking Heavenly Father get me out of this and I promise I will never go in public again, well at least until my hair grows out. ha ha
ME: “Sorry” are you kidding me Monya? that’s it? all you could say was sorry? Really at this point I just want to get in my car and get home.
SUB GIRL: “Here let me help you to your car, are you sure you won’t reconsider going out tonight?”
I’m wondering does SUBWAY employees usually walk their customers to the car? WOW that was uncomfortable.
This is the 3rd time I have been “hit on” by a women since my hair loss. I guess I’m attractive to the females who like females.
Not sure I will take any comfort in that, but it has really been funny to come home and tell Eric about it. He got a good laugh out of it last night. I love that we have been blessed with the ability to laugh right now.
After this very eventful and entertaining day, I decided it was time for my spray tan. I was so nervous I have never done anything Like this before and I was afraid I would come out looking like a big PUMPKIN…. then I thought who cares it can’t really get any worse, and besides I’ve decided since we never know what turn our lives will take I am going to take risks and do things I always wanted to do but was too afraid to try. I did it and I got some color, and I might even do it again someday.
April 7, 2010
This is going to be raw and really honest right now …….. not that I haven’t been honest all along, everything in my blog is for the purpose of journaling. I want to be able to look back and remember everything I have been through, also for my posterity to be able to learn from my experiences. I was told right after I found out about my cancer, that someday my son who is serving a mission in the Dominican Republic will want to read this journal and understand all that has happened while he was serving the Lord, maybe he will understand more about the blessings that have actually come to our family while he was gone. I also wanted to journal exactly what happens to breast cancer patients, I have looked back already and read some of my entries, especially when I needed to know about side effects or something a doctor has told me.
So hear goes…..
I have not slept more than a couple of hours since Sunday night. I have been throwing up and my stomach aches, I also lost 7 pounds, I’m not completely sure why. It is the worst feeling to stare at the ceiling fan all night just waiting for the sun to rise, 3 nights in a row. I’m not sure I can do that again, I might just go crazy in my head. Since I started radiation I have been really depressed and lonely, feeling like WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END. This morning I layed with Eric on the sofa watching Recker laugh, still there is something inside of me that is scared. I did not want Eric to go to work, I miss him when he is gone the house is so quiet and I feel sad. When Eric left for work this morning I was crying, I told him I WANT MY LIFE BACK, he hugged me and told me that I am almost done, keep fighting, and that he loves me.
When I went to radiation today they happened to also have on my itinerary a visit with the Oncology Social Worker, her name is Patrice Al-Shanti. I was told she was going to talk to me about the different programs that are offered to cancer patients at Mayo Clinic. In my mind I thought, “great …. I’ll sit and listen maybe something or someone else can help me today” When she entered the room she shook my hand and introduced herself. She explained to me that she is there to talk to anytime I need, she had my file and knew so much about me and my life, she even said to me “I love your blog” I was surprised that she had read my blog. I told her exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days, we discussed how much I have grown through this journey, but she explained to me that what I am feeling right now is NORMAL, almost all cancer patients experience this depression and anxiety after they are finished with chemo, we want our lives back the end is on the horizon. When I started chemo I was ready for a fight l put all my fears in the back of my head and did what I had to do, now that its over and I am feeling better I want life to be normal again, but its not normal.
She told me I need to get things on my calendar, lunch with friends, go to a movie, start working out again ……. WHAT? wait slow down a bit, I can workout again? That put a smile on my face …. she said maybe go for a walk, get on the treadmill start slow, I am still going to deal with the neuropathy and I know I will not be at the pace I was a year ago but still this is good news to me …. I know I’m weird I love to workout, most people hate it, but for all my life it has been something I enjoy. I was given a CD called Healthful Sleep, it is guided imagery with music to help you sleep, OK never done this before but it is worth it to get a good nights sleep, I’ll try anything.
So there you have it…. I am Normal, I have fears, I don’t always have to be the strong one, it’s OK to feel what I am feeling, it’s OK to cry uncontrollably and it’s definitely OK to want my life back.
Mayo Clinic Cancer Center: https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/education-centers/cancer-education/arizona