Tag: Love

What’s a Soul Mate?

What’s a Soul Mate?

As the American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”

Not just anyone can fulfill you the way your soulmate can. There’s a world of a difference between your soulmate, your heart’s other half and a life partner — a person who lacks the elements to mold perfectly to you. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit.

Today Eric and I drove to the Mayo Clinic, on our way home I had one of my playlists on. Soulmate by Josh Turner came on.  As I listened to the words,  I turned to Eric and said “We’ve been through so much together haven’t we?”  He agreed and we decided through the good and the bad we have made it through. Has it always been easy?  I will have to insert here HELL NO. No relationship is perfect, and even soulmates will experience ups and downs. However, because of those time the bond will be much harder to break. I believe Soulmates seem to have an easier time accepting, even learning to love, each other’s imperfections.  It took me along time to realize we needed to accept and love each other for exactly the way we are, accepting both the great and awful tendencies we all have. This is so hard sometimes especially if we have expectations beyond what our soulmate can deliver.

After 37 years together Eric and I have learned those triggers that can sometimes have us jumping to conclusions. We usually know exactly what the other’s reactions or thoughts are when someone speaks or something happens.  A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. It is someone you can’t imagine being without, a person you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for.  Over the years we have seen each other through some pretty hard situations-some that last for years.

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I can’t imagine my life without Frenchie-he truly knows my faults, weaknesses and fears yet still loves me through it all. Not a day goes by that he does say “I love you, You are Beautiful”

XOXO Monya

 

Who Have You Helped Today?

Who Have You Helped Today?

I haven't always been interested in the well being of other people, I mean not to a point of making it an intentional part of my day. I wonder why it sometimes takes cancer, or a tragedy to help us understand the worth of every soul is great in the sight of God?  Is it even possible for us to comprehend the Love our Father in Heaven has for us? The only feeling I can think of that would even come close to that type of unconditional love is the love a parent has for their children.

I remember a night during chemo, I was so sick I'd lost so much weight and literally wanted my life to end. I laid on the floor begging and pleading for the Lord to take it all away. That didn't happen, but since that long dreary night I learned a lesson--He has the power to take away all of our heartaches and pains, but He doesn't because He loves us that much, He wants us to learn then go out and teach others. I imagine when He see's his children going through difficult times He wants to take it all away, I know when my own children have suffered I've wanted to do everything I could do to make it better for them.

Today as I drove into my subdivision toward home, a woman waved me down. She seemed to be frantic, I rolled down my window and asked her what was wrong. She replied while pointing "Do you know that young man?" I looked over and face down in the rocks was a young man covered in dirt. Not knowing if he was dead or alive I touched his shoulder and asked "Can I help you?" He didn't move but I could tell he was still breathing, again I gave him a little shove to wake him up when he turned over he was frothing from the mouth, he was not in good shape. I believed he was overdosed on something. All around him were graham crackers and ginger ail cans.  I asked him "What is your name? where do you live?" His response was "Don't call the police I don't want any trouble." I finally convinced him to give me his mother's address so I could go get her. To avoid the police he decided to walk to Jack in the Box and I would have his mom meet him there.

My heart was aching for this boy, I didn't know how his mom would take the information but prayed the whole way to her house that KC would get to the Jack in the Box without any harm. When I rang her doorbell I asked her "Is your name Susie and do you have a son named KC?" Obviously this boy had a history of running away. She flung the door open ran out to my car yelling "No not my boy, please God let him be ok"  On the ride there I explained what had happened. She wanted me to drive her by the place where I found him, then quickly we went to see if he was were he promised me he'd be. He was in such bad shape a part of me thought he wouldn't have made it a mile down the road without getting hit by a car.  The embrace between mother and son is not something I will soon forget. He could barely stand, he collapsed into her arms.

We made it to a table outside and I sat across from him, he looked at me and said "I just want to die, why didn't you just let me die?" My eyes filled with tears that drizzled down my face. His mom started to talk but I took my hands and lifted his head to look into my eyes, I wanted him to hear me I mean really hear what I was telling him. She could see I was trying to connect with her son and she remained quiet for this part. With watery eyes I told him "I understand how you feel....." he cut me off  in sobbing tears "How could you possible understand?" My heart was racing, I said a little prayer in my head asking Heavenly Father to please give me the words to help this boy. "I may not know exactly what you are feeling, but I do know what it feels like to want to be dead." "Why would you want to die?" "Well, KC I was abused growing up, physically mentally and sexually I didn't want to live through that. Then a few years ago something most would say is horrible happened to me, I was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer-it forced me to see life through different lenses. I will forever be grateful that I was able to forgive, now I look intentionally everyday for people who need help. KC do you believe in God?" He began to cry uncontrollably then said "Yes why?" "Do you know that God wants you to be happy?" What happened next penetrated my soul and I will never forget it. He looked me in the eyes and said "I was sexually abused" a gasp of air came out of me, I was not prepared to hear that from him.  His mom looked at me with tears, grabbed her son and continually said "I'm so sorry that happened to you."  I explained that none of what happened to him was his fault he was only 14 years old, but until he can get some help he will always be living the nightmare that man put him through. I could see he was delicate he started to hallucinate  I suggested we get him to the hospital. His arms were so swollen, the needle tracks showed me the battle field of his life. When we got him to the hospital he asked "Does God Really want me to be happy? I mean do you really mean that or are you saying what you think I want to hear?"  Once again I held his face in my hands looked him straight in the eye and said "I KNOW He wants you to be happy, and I also know He guided me to you today." KC will enter a rehab facility tomorrow and I promised him I'd visit.

I have had sleepless nights, unimaginable pain and yes thoughts of death. Now that I am where I am in my life, all that I have learned and am still trying to understand I would never trade my life for any one else's. The Lord has been preparing me for moments like the one I had with this young man. I have been given beautiful opportunities to see miracles happen in the lives of people who want to listen.

Recovering from this last procedure I endured has been really difficult. I wake up in a sweat dreaming about the unnecessary trauma I experienced-the people who have reached out to me are little angels the Lord sends, they don't even realize the relief I get, the joy I feel from a simple "how are you doing?" So forget about making millions, or following celebrity lives--sit with someone who needs you, listen with your heart and judge no-one. Don't let people take advantage of you but be open to making friends with someone who needs you. In the end of your life you want to know you made a difference in a life. Love yourself enough, be confident in who you are then go share it.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Kindness?

Why Kindness?

Why choose kindness?  This seems like a redundant question, but in a world where so many are struggling between choosing right or wrong I’m grateful I learned at a young age how to pray for guidance. I have learned throughout life that my day is always happier when I give people a little bit of my heart rather than a piece of my mind. One of the greatest gifts we have is the ability to be kind to other’s. When someone is in need, lend them a helping hand, pray for them. Don’t wait for a ‘thank you’ True kindness lies within each of us, giving without expecting anything in return strengthens your heart muscles and creates beautiful people.

There is something magical about being kind, it has a beautiful way of reaching down into a weary heart and making it feel sunshine. Every act of kindness I give always has a way of helping my spirit to grow and I’ve never walked away disappointed.  Have you ever met someone who has the natural ability to give away happiness just by them walking into a room? My mother in law Viola Williams was my favorite person in the world, she had a smile and laugh that could always take any heartache or bad experience away.

I realized I was an unhappy person when I was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago. The seed of kindness that Viola has planted in my soul helped me to start cultivating an attitude of gratitude for life, friends and especially for family. I had a friend Sheldon Cook who was so kind and gentle when he spoke to me. One day I was bald from chemo and he said “You look beautiful” the empathy he showed came from a sincere place in his heart as he too was struggling with cancer and has since passed on. I will never forget his kind words, he taught me even one small word of kindness can change someone else’s day. We need not be selective on who we choose to be kind to, those who are the most unkind people need love too, actually they may need it more than we realize.

There is of course times when we need to draw healthy boundaries, but we should use prayer and wisdom when doing this. Don’t be took quick to judge, and don’t give up on people too quickly. I have learned to forgive but refuse to be a doormat; in other words do not let people take advantage of you or your situation, the spirit will guide you to know when it is time to let go and let be.

The picture above illustrates a bird alone, I would rather be that one bird who chooses the right then the twenty five who follow the crowd.  I want to live in such a way that if someone were to ask my children or grandchildren the definition of kindness, integrity and loyalty, they’d respond with “My Mother, or my Grandmother; Bonbon”

XOXO Monya Bonbon

Happiness at every Age

Happiness at every Age

I believe some of my best days are yet to come. There are researchers who say levels of happiness are different as life changes throughout our lives.

Depending on what was happening in our life at different ages, happiness kind of follows a U-shape curve as we age. Your peak years of happiness seem to be not only when you are young, in great health and having fun but also again in retirement when your mind and body may not be as sharp and fit but you have a new outlook and want to make every moment count.

I love that our Heavenly Father created us all equal but with different spirits and gave us choices. What makes one person happy or content may be different from what makes someone else happy and elated. Throughout life our expectations of happiness change, as my journey from one phase of life to the next I’ve definetly matured and learned from all my experiences.

Most people in their 20’s are motivated by school, involved with causes and comparing themselves to other’s their age. My 20’s were filled with heartache and disappointment. Balancing dating and career choices can be challenging. My advice; focus on what you can control-doing your best. Try getting into the best school for YOU, and start a good job. Ignore what you cannot control–don’t compare your ‘likes’ on Facebook or social media to what everyone else is doing…just be you the beautiful flower you are beginning to bloom into.

In the third decade of life many people have established themselves in careers and began families. If you choose to experience a career or become an entrepreneur or being a wife and mother be the best at it as you can. Pray for patience. In a career, George Vaillant M.D. says there are four C’s to finding joy. “Find something you are competent at, committed to, compensated for and contented with.” As a young mother I made so many mistakes, and compared myself to mother’s who I believed were completely out of my league of knowledge in parenting.
Now looking back my advice would be this; it’s important to be sure you’re being valuable to someone else, maybe your children or husband. Form and cultivate relationships, not just at work but in all aspects of your life, where you have something to offer that someone else wants.

When I turned 40 I felt I was in the best health of my life, eating right, working out everyday and enjoying my teenagers. For some people it’s a balancing act to take care of their children and care for their aging parents. I didn’t have the pleasure of caring for my mother as she aged, so I concentrated on my family life. The mothering ‘guilt’ was gone I felt I had done well at raising intelligent beautiful children. In my 40’s I began to understand a little about happiness, I was more calm and peaceful. My story is not quite typical, as in my late 40’s I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but for the typical person in their 40’s it’s a time of self assurance, finding joy in what they have accomplished in life thus far.

Now I am in my 50’s–I read one time that the younger generation believes when you wake up on your 50th birthday you suddenly want to move to a small village in Costa Rica to open up a dog shelter…..ha ha, if my family is reading this they will laugh because that is that last thing on earth I would do–no matter what age. As funny as that is, it’s simply not my reality. I have always been someone’s mom, or Eric’s wife. I have had to redefine myself seek out new hobbies, try new things. I’ve had to learn to not compare my wealth to the health I had in my 20’s. I now realize I don’t get everything in life, but I’ve managed to accomplish quite a bit. I happy on a different level, everyday I thank my Heavenly Father for allowing me to experience another sunrise, or the opportunity to play with my beautiful grandchildren. I’ve learned I am enough, I am strong, brave and compassionate. I am celebrating the small miracles I see in my life and look forward to exploring more of who I am. I listen to my heart and ask for help through prayer. I love my life right now, I’m true to myself and work hard to serve others.

I am looking forward to doors opening up for me as I move into my 60’s and beyond. Above all my family means more to me than ever before. I have faith and hope for a future full of pure joy.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

It’s Not Your Fault

It’s Not Your Fault

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So many people have made this remark to me since my book was published “You know it wasn’t your fault right?”  The truth is, yes now I know that, but at the time I thought it was all my fault.

It wasn’t my fault I wasn’t protected from getting hurt at the hands of an adult.

It wasn’t my fault I wasn’t told how much I mattered, and what my individual worth was.

It wasn’t my fault I had no voice, or that I was powerless and didn’t know how to say “no.”

It wasn’t my fault I didn’t now where to draw boundaries, or how to protect my heart, mind and body from being crushed.

It wasn’t my fault the people who should have been protecting me, and guiding me were too involved in their own lives to keep me safe.

I grew up without knowing where to draw the line between abuse and love, actually I never felt love and because of this I allowed other’s to hurt me, when really all I ever wanted was to feel unconditional love.

None of that was my fault.  Growing older and becoming a woman I learned how to let myself feel anger, disappointed, and trust by allowing those emotions to be real.

I think it’s important to let yourself be angry.  You should be angry that you were never told how much you were worth. That you never protected yourself because nobody ever protected you.  It’s important for you to know you did not allow people to violate you. Those lines should have been there but never were because you weren’t taught how to draw those lines in the sand.

Because I wasn’t  taught how important I was, and how much it I mattered it took cancer for me to understand how much I love life, and how to find happiness. I do this by bringing joy and  happiness to other’s, I serve everyday someone who needs love or simple remembrance that people do care.

I needed to first let the anger rise within me. Allow myself  to cry tears of rage and grief for all I had lost. So much was taken from me – other people look life, light and fun from my life–those things I can never get back, but I can choose today to move forward and be happy.

My advise to those who have felt the feelings of abandonment  is to use that anger to fight for yourself in the way you should have been fought for. Use it to reclaim all that has been taken, to reclaim your heart. Let the anger become a fire that rages in your soul and burns away the tarnish that others have left upon you. Let the flames consume you, let them purify you, let them cleanse you and refine you until all that is left is the beauty of who you really are.

Your worth is great. You were created by the same hands that created the galaxies and the stars and the oceans and the storms and the wind that rages across the four corners of the earth. You were breathed into existence, not by accident, but with purpose, with promise. The entire universe listens just to hear the beating of your heart and the whisper of your breath. You were meant to be here. You were supposed to be here.

You were wanted here, you have a purpose, find it and run with it.

You are worthy of the kind of love that nurtures your soul and heals your heart. A love that sees your value and worth and believes in you. A love that is strong and kind, loyal and true. A love that brushes the hair from your eyes and kisses your forehead and gives you its jacket when you are cold and holds your hand when you are scared and draws you into its arms and doesn’t let go until it stops hurting. You are worthy of someone whose feet are anchored; who loves you when you radiate with the light of the moon and stars, and loves you even harder when you are cast in the shadow of your own cold sorrow.

You are worthy of a love that will never, ever hurt you, the moment you come to know this truth, is the moment nobody can ever take that away from you again.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

Beauty

Beauty

Tale as old as time? Perhaps, with a few modern changes. I’ve always loved the original animated movie. Kaitlyn was obsessed with watching. She’d wake up every morning, I’d hear the pitter patter of her little feet running as fast as she could to ask “Bu Beez?” I think we watched it several times a day, for over a year.  I thought I remembered the story and beautiful music, especially after allowing Kaitlyn to monopolize the television for days, weeks and months on end. I still love the music however, the meaning behind the plot of the story took on a whole new meaning to me.

The movie will live on forever because the message is about pure love, It’s not about how pretty somebody is, but about someone’s heart and soul. The love between Belle and the Beast is honest, and that makes the film so special. Another attribute I noticed about Belle I hadn’t thought about when my children were younger, is that she has the intelligence, humor,  a special spirit and she’s stunningly beautiful.

She’s an old soul,  she’s a nurturing person. She’s got a lot of compassion and forgiveness in her. And she has her stubborn side too, which makes her fun and charming. When you’ve experienced death in your family, then you realize how incredibly moving that moment was and how truly remarkable it was for Belle to give up everything for her father. It shows how courageous she is.

I left this movie feeling grateful and renewed for hope in the world.  Thank you Disney for re-creating another uplifting, beautiful story.

Monya Bonbon

Kacy

Kacy

One of my Nerium Family members, Kacy Christiansen crossed over to Heaven today. This picture was taken in November, just a few short months ago. I see joy in their eyes and love surrounds their hearts. I believe Families are Forever, these children and their father Scott will embrace Kacy once again.

As grateful as I am to still be alive, my heart cannot keep from pounding. Cancer victims are warriors-we come in all shapes and sizes male and female. When one of my soldier friends leave this life a piece of me dies with them. I felt that all familiar combustion of emotions today as I received the news of Kacy’s death. I went to my room, shut the door and cried. Life should never be taken for granted. I’ve once again been reminded of all I have been blessed with.

Kacy’s spirit and smile was the first thing people noticed. Who was she? She was a daughter, best friend, wife,and mother. She was you. She was me. You know this. Deep down, you already know this could easily be your life. But sometimes, you forget. Sometimes, you need a reminder of the things you already know, because it’s easy to lose sight of them.

It’s so easy to become distracted with the work of everyday living that the little voice that tells you to slow down, look for the good things, the true things, the simple things, gets lost for a moment. Let Kacy’s life be your reminder.

Today I understand how precious each breath of life is. I’m hopeful you will read this and let the words put you back on track. I hope they speak to you, that you believe these powerful words…’Love Your Life Now’

Monya Bonbon

Celebrate

Celebrate

Every time someone in my family celebrates a birthday (especially my grandchildren) I thank the Lord for allowing me to be on earth for one more year. This month I have three grandchildren’s birthday’s and my daughter in law. I am so blessed with an amazing family. Tonight driving home from Phoenix’s second birthday party I was teary thinking about how much I dearly love these little spirits. Children have so much they can teach us about patience, kindness, honest and most importantly child-like happiness.

There will be times in your life when you find yourself right in the middle of the place you are meant to be. I’ve learned to invite those times, notice those times–Live for those times–today was one of them.

Monya Bonbon

Today

Today


Today has so much going for it, it’s here, it’s now and it belongs to you.
This moment, right now is the only time that comes with a guarantee. Learn today to be kind to everyone–

I attended an event today hoping I would take some value from the instructor into my Home Based business, instead I left feeling everything but valued. I learned that making $100 million dollars is really not that impressive especially if you lack integrity, morals and most of all kindness and empathy.

My husband is an amazing example of a man who has worked hard and been blessed financially. However, I’ve never heard him talk about his finances — Frenchie spreads joy and happiness. Some may say–like the presenter today was trying to say “He’s joyous and happy because he has money.” However I think the opposite, find your happiness and the rest will come if that is what you desire to work for.

I’ve met some cocky people in my life but today, today this guy earned the award. He actually said to us “I can read people by their body language, how they sit, hold their head, lean forward or backward etc” Then looked at me and said “You don’t know how to sell yourself, you don’t know how to smile and your eye’s are sad.” Whoa….I stood up said “I cannot believe you just said that to me.” and I walked out of his seminar. He tried to back peddle his way out, but the words spewed from his mouth had already done irreversible damage–not for me, I know who I am and where I am going. With just a few words this man bruised himself — his assistant called to apologize for him and I told her if he was really sorry for what he said he would have called me himself–So he did–it was a lame apology, not sincere and made me even more determined to move forward.

I’ve been waiting for today, even though I might have been calling it something else, like ‘tomorrow’ or ‘someday’ I’ve even called it ‘the future’ But actually today was a gift and the best thing to do with a gift is open it, delight in it, and appreciate it for what is is–I’m glad that I’ve learned to surround myself with good people, nice people, people who believe in being loving, caring and sharing.

I’ll end this by saying tomorrow when you wake up-begin something new, something that makes you stretch, take baby steps do something small or something BOLD. Do something that will grow bigger with time. Today might just be the day you’ve been waiting for–the day you learn how brave you are, how far you’ve come. Start here, start now, embrace today.

Monya Bonbon

Make Time

Make Time


In my life I have spent way too much time worrying about what other people think. When I finally decided that was a waste of my time I realized ‘those’ people are no longer in my life anyway. Time changes all things, we think when we are children we will have the same friends throughout our lifetime–I have had so many people come in and out of my life–there were a few I believed would be lasting friends, but because circumstances change I am no longer in touch with them.

I now find the people who make my heart sing, the people whose joy is contagious and fun, the people who bring out the best in me.

We all need to make time for these people. Building our lives with them, inviting them into our daily life and into our heart. I know when I surround myself with people who live with joy, their happiness becomes mine too.

Monya Bonbon