Tag: Forgiveness

Memory Of Cleveland Clinic

Memory Of Cleveland Clinic

Every 3rd of July I am reminded of fighting for my life in The Cleveland Clinic. Four years ago today I was in surgery, literally hoping for a miracle. Little did I know the miracle was sitting right here in Arizona, with Doctor Lettieri. On…

Parenthood

Parenthood

I love this picture of Frenchie (Papa) with 5 of the 7 grandchildren–the joy on his face was priceless.  Most of you have probably heard this “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” I think this is a…

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

I’ve been asked by several people “How did you learn to forgive?” This question has caused me to really think about the process of forgiveness. I’m not quite certain there is a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this question.

When you are hurt by another person, especially if it is someone you are supposed to love–there is a confusion between doing what is ‘right’ and holding onto every bit of vengeance and anger you have.

For me personally I had to go through the emotions of, hatred, anger, sadness, depression, fear, shame and guilt. Each and every one of these emotions took years to overcome and I took it out on those around me. I rationalized how I felt by saying “He needs to acknowledge what he has done and ask for forgiveness.”

When I finally decided enough was enough, I realized I was allowing the person who offended me to still be in control. I didn’t want my life to be ruled by him any longer. I began by taking time for myself everyday to say out loud “I can forgive you” even if I didn’t honestly feel like I had forgiven I did this anyway. This was not any easy practice many times I stumbled on my words with tears running down my cheeks.

I read a book called ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness” and began to soften my heart. I believe, just like there are different levels of sin, there are also different levels of forgiveness. For example, if someone were to lie or steal from me I could forgive and move forward, I may not ever do business with them but I could accept them in my life. However, if someone where to abuse one of my children or grandchildren, it would take some work on my part but I could forgive them but I would never invite them over for dinner. There has to be a separation sometimes for safety and sanity.

I started to feel sorry for my offender, I even wondered if he had been hurt as a child. Slowly but surely I began to see myself through the eyes of God and knew He loved me and wanted me to heal, completely. The only possible way for me to rebuild my life was to fully forgive. I prayed for my offender everyday, and asked for peace to fill my heart. Remember this was a daily battle I fought for years, this did not come over night.

When I was finally able to let go of the expectations I had, I discovered all the wonderful possibilities I had been shutting out. Instead of living in a dark lonely place, I saw each day as an opportunity to make a change, to shift directions and to get a little closer to the things my heart desired. This was no longer about forgiving the offender. I now had the knowledge of how to do it, this was about my happiness. Once and for all I was able to say “I forgive you”

I think the only advice I can give now is live in the present, do not lose it to past regrets or future worry.

Monya Bonbon

Mother’s

Mother’s

  What is it about Mother’s that make us celebrate and dedicate an entire day to them?  I loved being pregnant, was sleep deprived when they were infants, frustrated when they were toddlers and spent a lot of time on my knees when they became teenagers.…

Beauty

Beauty

Tale as old as time? Perhaps, with a few modern changes. I’ve always loved the original animated movie. Kaitlyn was obsessed with watching. She’d wake up every morning, I’d hear the pitter patter of her little feet running as fast as she could to ask…

Imagine

Imagine

In my opinion one of the most powerful words in the English language is Imagine; this single word gives hope to a world that is in so much turmoil. 

Of all the songs John Lennon wrote and performed, many of which have had tremendous impact on our culture, “Imagine” has the one I most resonate with. While its influence reaches across the globe, there are physical representations of it in the two places that most represented home to Lennon. The Liverpool Airport, renamed the Liverpool John Lennon Airport, has the line “above us only sky” painted on the roof. Yoko’s monument to her husband, in the Strawberry Fields section of Central Park, is a mosaic of the word Imagine, where fans gather to mourn him as well as to celebrate his legacy. 
Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today… Aha-ah…

Imagine there’s no countries

It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace… You…

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world… You…

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one
                                                 
These words were sung by a somewhat complicated man, in 1971 I didn’t realize how inspiring these words could be. Now, as we fight and are at war with the world over religious beliefs and pride I can see that Lennon had great insight and wisdom to write and sing these words.  Even today I am teary eyed when I hear this song.  I love the hope it gives us.
7 years ago this month I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it has been a wild ride since that day I heard the words “you have breast cancer.”  I am blessed to still be alive and so many other health issues have come since then.  I’ve learned to hear a diagnosis of breast cancer is not a death sentence to all and for me the words that crashed my world were “your face will never be the same again.” I took my smile for granted, I will never smile the same again, I still have no feeling in the right side of my face I have chronic dry eye and am in constant pain even with the weight Dr. Lettieri placed in my eyelid I still have trouble seeing. Expressions that come so natural for other people I took for granted; like raising your eyebrows being able to eat without my eye blinking is impossible; I rarely eat in public places. I am recognized by my new look. Interesting enough I have always been self conscious about my looks and certainly never felt beautiful. Trying to embrace who I am and who I represent in life has been and is an ongoing struggle for me.  I know beauty comes from within, but trying to look in the mirror and be ok with the woman staring back at me has also been frustrating and brought many tears.

Tonight I watched my grandson Phoenix who is only a year and a half old laugh and giggle at silly things he saw and heard.  I love and adore my children and grandchildren, with that love comes a responsibility one I don’t take lightly.  I want them to be happy, not only through their innocent laughter but as they grow I wish for them to find joy in the small things,  to never take anything or anyone for granted.  I hope I can relay through my eyes and my heart their Bon Bon has had struggles in life but that I learned to embrace them, grow from them and then share how to be happy through those trials.

I, like John Lennon hope everyone, especially my grandchildren will live in the moment, I imagine them all living in peace, judging no-one along their path but instead handing them a dollar or two, and asking the Lord to bless them in their trials.  I imagine them having no greed and living true to their believes with integrity.  I wish for them to see ALL men and women as a brotherhood and sisterhood giving, sharing and helping each other. Yes, and just like he was judged as a dreamer I am judged as an optimist–dreaming and optimism are wonderful attributes to have.  As gloomy as the world seems right now we all have so much to be grateful for and as the song says Imagine all the people living as one and sharing one world. I see this happening and often times it is when I am asleep dreaming; so there you have it I’m a dreamer and an optimist.


Surgery March 28th Dr. Lettieri

Surgery March 28th Dr. Lettieri

I had a hard time sleeping last nigh with only 3 hours before surgery I at least tried.  I’m not anxious about the surgery or Dr. Lettieri. Again this morning  doctors and nurses all had positive things to say about him. One nurse said  “Oh…

#365 Days of Happiness

#365 Days of Happiness

Today is the International Day of Happiness. I began my day by attending church, during our services today the speaker talked about Happiness being a choice.  He asked if any of the congregation ever see people in their car as they are driving, Happy? He…

Kelly Clarkson Performs “Piece by Piece” – AMERICAN IDOL

Kelly Clarkson Performs “Piece by Piece” – AMERICAN IDOL

Well it’s the last season of American Idol, as I listened to the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson’s latest song I couldn’t help but shed a few tears.  So many parallel’s I’ve had with emotions of being abandoned and walked away from.  I never understood, and possibly still don’t understand how a parent can just walk away from their children.  It’s unfathomable to me however, I lived it and I survived it. The powerful part of the story is she was able to take back her life piece by piece. This too I can understand my children have experienced unconditional love from their father, my husband Frenchie. I pray all the people in the world who feel powerless can rise above the insecurities of being abandoned and realize this is not about them….the world can be cruel but we have the power within us to be kind and change the next generation.
 Lyrics to Piece by Piece:
And all I remember is your back
Walking towards the airport leaving us all in your past
I traveled 1500 miles to see you
Begged you to want me
But you didn’t want to
But piece by piece you collected me
Up off the ground but you abandoned things
And piece by piece you filled the holes that you burned in me
At six years old and no
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me
Piece by piece
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father could stay
And all of your words fall flat
I made something of myself and now you wanna come back
But your love isn’t free
It has to be earned
Back then I didn’t have anything you needed
So I was worthless
But piece by piece you collected me
Up off the ground but you abandoned things
And piece by piece you filled the holes that you burned in me
At six years old and no
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me
Piece by piece
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father could stay
Piece by piece…
Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I would never leave her like you left me
She will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I’m gonna put her first
He’ll never walk away
He’ll never break her heart
He’ll take care of things
He’ll love her
Piece by piece
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father should be great
Piece by piece…

Today I am grateful for families who stay together.
Recker Turns 5

Recker Turns 5

Recker has turned 5, I cannot believe it’s been 5 years.  Our lives have been so generously blessed over the past 5 years, it’s hard to imagine what my life was like before.  We have grown in numbers, our 3rd grandson will be born within…