I remember taking this picture in 2015, just a year after being diagnosed with facial paralysis. Frenchie took me on a trip between surgeries; funny I can’t remember where we were. We’ve been on so many trips together trying hard to mark everything off…
There is simply nothing better than being a grandparent; and one who is needed. Kaitlyn and Brian flew to Utah a couple of weeks ago to say their final words of love to a beloved husband, father and grandfather; we will truly miss Shane Wright’s presence in our lives. Sharing grandchildren with he and his darling wife Dee Dee has been such a joy.
Haleigh, Kayla and Chloe and Blake stayed with the boys while I recovered enough to help out. They have been with me 24/7 for the past 4 days; tomorrow we will fly to Utah for the funeral. It’s hard to imagine these sweet grandsons not having the opportunity to remember what a giant of a man Shane Wright was. I imagine, as I did with Eric’s mom Kaitlyn and Brian will keep granddad Wright alive in the lives of these boys.
For me, the recovery process after this last surgery with Dr. Lettieri is going a little bit slower than I imagined it would. After visiting with Dr. Lettieri this week, he was pleased with how things look, the flap took and the stitches from one side of my head to the other are beginning to dissolve. The pain is subsiding; well it was until Archer flung his head into the area where I had my surgery, yes I saw some stars but mostly wanted Archie to know it was not his fault.
I forgot how demanding little one’s can be when they are in your constant care 24/7. Archer has not been feeling well and unfortunately I believe he has passed it on to me.
I’ve been asked by several people “How did you learn to forgive?” This question has caused me to really think about the process of forgiveness. I’m not quite certain there is a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this question.
When you are hurt by another person, especially if it is someone you are supposed to love–there is a confusion between doing what is ‘right’ and holding onto every bit of vengeance and anger you have.
For me personally I had to go through the emotions of, hatred, anger, sadness, depression, fear, shame and guilt. Each and every one of these emotions took years to overcome and I took it out on those around me. I rationalized how I felt by saying “He needs to acknowledge what he has done and ask for forgiveness.”
When I finally decided enough was enough, I realized I was allowing the person who offended me to still be in control. I didn’t want my life to be ruled by him any longer. I began by taking time for myself everyday to say out loud “I can forgive you” even if I didn’t honestly feel like I had forgiven I did this anyway. This was not any easy practice many times I stumbled on my words with tears running down my cheeks.
I read a book called ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness” and began to soften my heart. I believe, just like there are different levels of sin, there are also different levels of forgiveness. For example, if someone were to lie or steal from me I could forgive and move forward, I may not ever do business with them but I could accept them in my life. However, if someone where to abuse one of my children or grandchildren, it would take some work on my part but I could forgive them but I would never invite them over for dinner. There has to be a separation sometimes for safety and sanity.
I started to feel sorry for my offender, I even wondered if he had been hurt as a child. Slowly but surely I began to see myself through the eyes of God and knew He loved me and wanted me to heal, completely. The only possible way for me to rebuild my life was to fully forgive. I prayed for my offender everyday, and asked for peace to fill my heart. Remember this was a daily battle I fought for years, this did not come over night.
When I was finally able to let go of the expectations I had, I discovered all the wonderful possibilities I had been shutting out. Instead of living in a dark lonely place, I saw each day as an opportunity to make a change, to shift directions and to get a little closer to the things my heart desired. This was no longer about forgiving the offender. I now had the knowledge of how to do it, this was about my happiness. Once and for all I was able to say “I forgive you”
I think the only advice I can give now is live in the present, do not lose it to past regrets or future worry.
I had a wonderful time sharing Disneyland with Kaitlyn-Brian-Phoenix–Blake-Chloe-Wesley–and Haleigh and Scott–
My legs were so heavy and in pain most of the time, but it was well worth the memories we made. I only wish Kayla-Jeremy-Recker-Ezra and Theo could have been there with us.
|Haleigh and Phoenix mesmerized by the parade|
|Blake and Chloe are the perfect match–ask Wesley|
|I love this ride–it gives so much HOPE for our world|