Tag: Blessings

What’s a Soul Mate?

What’s a Soul Mate?

As the American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who…

Living With Autism

Living With Autism

My amazing daughter Kayla is our oldest, she and her husband Jeremy have three boys diagnosed with Autism. Recker is the oldest 8 and 1/2, Ezra is 5 and Theo just turned 2. We love these boys so much, our entire family is in love…

Memory Of Cleveland Clinic

Memory Of Cleveland Clinic

Every 3rd of July I am reminded of fighting for my life in The Cleveland Clinic. Four years ago today I was in surgery, literally hoping for a miracle. Little did I know the miracle was sitting right here in Arizona, with Doctor Lettieri.

On July 3rd 2014 I was rolled into surgery, Eric gave me a kiss on the forehead as they wheeled me into the operating room. Tears rolled down my cheeks onto the pillow, nurses kindly asked what they could do to help; shaking my head, watching them walk away I knew there was nothing anyone could do. Not even with the best surgeons on the face of the earth, no one could be able to bring my smile back.

The worst was still ahead of me, waking up in the recovery room after an eleven hour surgery I felt my head. It was full of staples, like a train track from one side to the other and down the back of my skull. My ear was pounding and swollen. I just wanted to see Eric and go home; after seven weeks in Cleveland I was depressed, sad and disoriented.

The next day, the fourth of July 2014 is a day I will never forget. No attending’s were in the ICU, the residents were in charge for the Holiday. Pain beyond my belief was surging through my body; a senior resident forgot to put orders in for pain medicine; I thought I would die on that day. I was prepared with letters to my children and dear husband. When the resident did not answer page after page to come to the ICU-I went further and further into a deep dark place, actually wanting my life to end because the pain was so bad. Nurses rubbed my legs and listened to me sing “Be Still My Soul” and “I am a Child of God” over and over again. It was an hour and fifteen minutes the senior resident finally make it to my room, followed behind him were other junior residents. He questioned my pain like I was faking; wondered why I was crying, and asked me too many questions; which I believe now was a senior resident showing off for the junior residents. I was gasping for air I couldn’t speak without trembling, he finally gave me the pain medicine. Even after the pain medicine was in my system my body shook like a baby, composing myself was difficult.

This is one of the junior residents Brendan Alleyne-he came to visit me after that incident and held my hand. The compassion he showed was nothing I will ever forget, I wish I could tell him what his acts of kindness did for my faith in the future of medicine. I’m thinking about him today, Dr. Lettieri is constantly telling me about the ego’s of residents, just like the senior resident I encountered at Cleveland Clinic. They forget who they are serving, I often wonder if he would have treated me different if I had been his mother, wife or child. Thank you Dr. Alleyne wherever you are today, I believe you are caring and sharing for your own patients now and hopefully learned something from this experience that will help you always remember patients are real people, with real families and a story to tell.

XOXO Monya

The Risks

The Risks

I spent 5 days in Las Vegas, which is probably my least favorite place to be.  I was there for a conference on how to grow my network marketing business through social media.  While I found the event to be highly effective and I learned…

Parenthood

Parenthood

I love this picture of Frenchie (Papa) with 5 of the 7 grandchildren–the joy on his face was priceless.  Most of you have probably heard this “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” I think this is a…

His Grace

His Grace

 

So Much To See

I remember taking this picture in 2015, just a year after being diagnosed with facial paralysis. Frenchie took me on a trip between surgeries; funny I can’t remember where we were. We’ve been on so many trips together trying hard to mark everything off of my bucket list. I do recall looking out of the window far above the clouds and seeing this breath-taking view; it was at this moment I realized I have taken so much for granted; our world is beautiful so many nooks and crannies we will never explore, but just knowing they are out there gives me hope and a sense of a spirit much larger than my soul can imagine.

There is so much to see in this beautiful world of ours; but my favorite place to be is with my family, there is no other joy and peace I feel watching my children grow into happy, healthy adults who cherish one another and understand the importance of time, time together making memories to last for eternity.

I started back to work yesterday, it was physically painful however I’ll take the pain over depression any day any time. There is something about being through so many surgeries, procedures, pokes and tests that make me wonder once again what I am supposed to be learning.  I am well aware of all my weaknesses-I say damn and hell every once in a while, I judge people when I should be reaching out to them, I’m simply not perfect and not ready to die. I try daily to be better than I was the day before and so often fail in my attempt; but one thing I never do is leave my Heavenly Father out of my daily routine. He guides me and helps me to become the woman I strive to be.

This was me on May 1st, 2014 I thought I was so happy, look at my smile, my beautiful teeth. Oh how I loved to smile.  I’d finished chemo, radiation and several surgeries and was well on my way to being ‘ok’ with living with cancer. I see some wrinkles, but mostly I see joy in my eyes for the happiness I felt being alive. Then life came to a screeching halt and I was once again faced with an unfortunate life altering transfiguration.

On May 15, 2014 this was me lying in the Mayo Clinic hospital fighting for my life.  There was a sadness I had never experienced. My life would never be the same, my face would show the sadness and sorrow. There was simply no one on earth who could possibly understand what it felt like to hear my surgeon tell me “I’m sorry to tell you, your face will never be the same again, you need to get used to the new you”

That task seemed daunting and unachievable I didn’t know how I could face a world where physical beauty had become the main focus for so many people. I never realized I was one of those people, I was vain I wanted my smile back I wanted to be normal, heck I’d even take typical. With help from Dr.Lettieri teaching me grace comes from within, I have been able to somewhat come to accept who I am, what I am meant to do here on earth; and it is definitely not to be a fashion model. My Heavenly Father has so much more in store for me and I’ve come to understand true authenticity and absolute beauty comes from knowing who you are and where you are going, it comes from first loving yourself no matter the circumstances life throws at us.  It certainly sounds easier than it actually is to do, I have spent 3 years working on myself, studying and trying to teach our  youth to love their life. If all of us could see ourselves through our Father in Heaven’s eyes I think we would be surprised to know what He sees in each of us; I believe He knows my heart, He feels my pain but mostly He understands I am trying everyday to become a worthy woman of infinite worth in His eyes.

This was me just a few days ago at Shane Wright’s luncheon after his funeral; I love this picture with Archer, still bruised and swollen looking at this picture I realize my grandchildren will never know the face or person I used to be they only know Bonbon exactly how I am today, and they love me unconditionally as I do them. The woman in this picture has come a long way with still so much to learn about herself and other’s. There is no better Hope than knowing I have many years to learn and teach other’s how to cope with unforeseen circumstances and to accept to love themselves in away no one on earth can understand. I am truly blessed and Amazed at the grace He so fully offers all of us.

Monya Bonbon

See You Later

See You Later

To say it’s been a whirlwind of emotions the past 6 weeks would be an understatement. This is Shane Wright, his son Brian is married to my daughter Kaitlyn. Shane celebrated his birthday on May 24th with his wife children and nine grandchildren; two of…

Dr. Lettieri Post Op

Dr. Lettieri Post Op

This is the REAL Dr. Lettieri–my Flip Phone Doctor is back-with his Converse, humor and beautiful blue eyes. After assessing my bruising and clotting, we have decided to wait a couple of weeks to see how it looks-we are not afraid of the blood clots…

My Tribe

My Tribe

Ellis is our youngest grandchild almost 7 months old. Haleigh brought me soup and Ellis–he took one look at me and started to cry-remember he is only 7 months old I think he is teething, usually he is joyous and happy with everyone. I couldn’t hold him but seeing his face was enough.
These brothers are Kaitlyn and Brian’s boys, Phoenix and Archer. I didn’t really want them to see me all bandaged up, or worse with the bandage off.  One day I was in the hospital and our little Phoenix who is 3 years old decided to Face Time me I only answered because I thought it was my daughter calling. This was our dialogue ” Phoenix: “Hey Bonbon where are you? Me: “Where is your mom and dad? Phoenix: “Sleeping…Bonbon what is that blood?” (it was my drain) Me: “Uhh, yeah it’s a little blood, Bonbon has a boo boo” Phoenix: “Oh did you get a owie?”  Me: “Yeah just a little one, but the doctor is taking care of it so I can play with you again do you want to play?” Phoenix: “Oh Bonbon thank you, yes we can play…..today can I come to your house?” Me: “I’m not home, I’m staying at the hospital” Phoenix: “Is Papa with you.? Did you get a shot?” Me: “I did get a shot, but I am good now and yes Papa is here. What are you doing today?” We talked for over 30 minutes before it was time to hang up, I dreaded hitting END on my phone.  Yesterday he came to see me, not startled by the bruises or stitches that make their way like a train track from one side of my face to the other. He sat next to me on the bed, told me about leaving on an airplane today, going to see all his cousins and for his grandads birthday.  His animation and excitement are really contagious, he reminds me of Kaitlyn when she was a little girl curious, silly faces and totally in awe of his dad (his hero) as it should be. Archer was not phased at all with how my face looked. When it was time to leave I asked Phoenix to send me a Face Time while he is in Utah if he thinks about it his response “umm…We will have to see” from the mouth of babes
Our only grand daughter Weslie comes from my only son Blake and his darling wife Chloe. Blake brought me an acai bowl, it was a nice break from eating everything from a straw. Weslie is not feeling well so really stayed close to daddy. She did give me a huge roll of the eyes for a good laugh and waved “bye-bye bonbon, I love you” and off they went.
This is Ezra, he is Kayla and Jeremy’s middle son. I was Face Timed with Ezra and Theo.  Ezra was playing with Phoenix at his house and really just wanted to know if I would buy him ‘buzz lightyear’ and ‘woody’ apparently Kayla said everytime he leaves playwing at Phoenix’s house he asks her for them….and her standard answer is “No not today, you need to earn it” then he says “Well Bon bon will get them for me” So basically he was calling to know if I’d get him Woody and Buzz next time I’m in Toys are Us.
Recker is our oldest grandson also from Kayla and Jeremy. The only one I haven’t had immediate contact with is Recker….I have a feeling he would be picking out all the stitches on my face one by one, like he did when I had the nerve removed from my calf to my face.  I couldn’t feel it, but he was protecting me ….. he hates stitches and has picked them off of himself so in his mind if he doesn’t like them then of course Bonbon won’t either.
Theodore is Kayla and Jeremy’s youngest son. Theo did a Face Time with Bonbon and didn’t seem weary or worried about my facial appearance. He just kept saying “I wuv you Bonbon” and smiling the entire time.

It’s been one week today since my surgery with Dr. Lettieri. He has text me several times–people may think that is weird getting text messages from your surgeon, and maybe it is a little. I don’t believe he has the time or capacity to do this with every patient he see’s but I’m blessed he checks in on me on a regular basis. Not only to tell me he needs to do more work on my face (really?) but he is also checking in on my spirits–I adore him. I even tell him “I love you” he’s been with me through half of the surgeries I’ve endured always hopeful always happy to see me. I’m not sure what it is like to have a genius mind working overtime 24/7 but boy am I glad he does–although I think he needs some rest, relaxation and a break. Funny thing is I don’t think that is physically possible for someone who does what he does.

Now that I am home, resting has been really hard for me. I got bored with television and could not concentrate …. or the shows were absolutely lame. I miss my grandchildren, they each bring a different type of joy to my soul.

Seriously? I’m a 55 year old grandmother with 7 beautiful grandchildren each bringing a different level of joy, laughter and respect from me….I don’t want them to grow up, I would like time to stand still, well maybe not this week–it needs to go fast but the faster I heal the sooner I get to play. I promised to teach them how to make my famous sugar cookies. I need to be healed and out of this bed looking normal–well really what is normal? Normal is boring too? I’ve learned so much about having facial paralysis through the eyes of my grandchildren–they never knew me looking any other way so they don’t stare, they don’t judge they just love their Bonbon. People can learn from children, I have unconditional love.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

Are You a Friend?

Are You a Friend?

The past few month’s I’ve had to make some decisions, hard but freeing decisions. During my recovery I’ve had time to myself the silence has been cleansing. I’ve been pondering friends, who they are, and how to define them.  These are my thoughts, ‘Good friends’…