I’m not quite sure why my life has been spared, or why I have been blessed with an abundance of heavenly awareness. The only conclusion I can come to is that I know He lives and has a plan for me.
It’s difficult to see other people go through pain and suffering-the same pain I have felt-it takes me back to days of brain fog and confusion. It makes me feel guilty when someone with a far better chance of winning the war than I had is given news of hospice–why? I wish I could answer that question–I wish I could take away the heartache of watching family trying to remain hopeful and optimistic–I wish there was one answer for everyone-the truth is we are all individuals experiencing life and every ‘body’ is different.
I remember the day I decided I was not quite done with my self transformation, I knew there were still infinite cities to visit, brilliant colors to see and chances to consider. I had a dream, I saw myself completely healed and full of joy. I believe there is a difference in being happy and feeling joy–happiness is a choice and is an action word it is contentment, cheerfulness and delight. Joy on the other hand is part of who you are-it’s the emotion evoked by well-being. It has nothing to do with what you own or the circumstance you are in.
In looking back on the highs and lows, there are some moments of clarity and satisfaction– days that were filled with love and other days that were occupied with thoughts of death and despair. What I recognize now is only those days of unconditional love and see that they were everywhere-running through the fabric of my life like threads of gold waiting for me to shine.
I’ve been blessed with optimism and it is true there may never be a more ‘perfect’ time than NOW….and right NOW chooses me-joyfully, completely in return.