August 11, 2009

Life is so overwhelming for me right now, I am so confused about cancer and how this going to effect my life. I worry everyday about my kids, I don’t want them to worry I want life to be normal for them, and Eric is my ROCK. Many people don’t know that his mother died from breast cancer when he and I were dating. For Eric this news comes pretty hard to him, I cant imagine what he is thinking. I tried to comfort him and tell him that breast cancer is not a death sentence, many people actually fight it and win the battle. I will be one of those people.
I was supposed to have an MRI today, but we cancelled. We are going to an appointment next week at the Mayo Clinic and they will want us to have an MRI so no reason to have two of them, plus the insurance will only cover it once. (don’t you just love insurance companies?) Oh well that’s another blog, another day…
I am being watched over in so many ways and I feel the love of my family and close friends. I know this journey of mine is going to be the hardest thing I have done.
What is a normal life? I feel like we have had so many trials to over come the past couple of years, there is never any relief. What am I supposed to be learning through this? Patience? Faith? Endurance? Love? Because all of those are awesome characteristics to have but seriously? Cancer?
I have not yet broke down and cried and I feel bad when other people cry because I don’t know how to comfort them, I don’t feel what they feel. It’s almost like I am having an outer body experience. I feel so guilty because the tears wont come, I think when they finally do I am going to really have a melt down, hopefully it will be in private. I wish I could go to each person who has sent me a note on Facebook or an email and let them know I appreciate them, that I need them and their prayers that its ok for them to feel bad and if they shed a tear for me I understand and care. Heavenly Father is here, right here in my heart I feel him, I love him and I want my kids to feel him too, to be there for them and comfort them like he is me.

13 thoughts on “Consumed”

  • Hey Monya, my grandmother had breast cancer, a bit of radiation, and she was fine. Same with Laura Dryden's grandma. There are so many people out there who have beaten it. Go beat it. We will be praying for you.

  • Oh my gosh Monya, I had no idea you were going thru this. I couldn't sleep so I got on my computer and saw your status on facebook. I am so sorry you are facing this. I will be praying for you and your family. You are strong and will beat this, your family will be extra blessed for your faithfulness. I am so excited to hear Blake is going on his mission. That is awesome! Pls let me know what I can do. with love – Tracey XOXO

  • Monya, I saw you Sunday going in to Primary and could tell something was wrong. I wish you would have called, but I know how it is to get news like that,you do go into a denial/shock mode. We love you and are praying for you morning and night. "Gird up your loin, fresh courage take." You will overcome this and be better for it. Love, Teri

  • Hi Monya, Hey sunshine…how is your day going? You are tough I can tell. i can see we are a lot a like in many ways. Know that I love you and I am thinking of you and you are always in my prayers. You have a great family and lots of support. I will be checking on you. Love, Cherie

  • Monya
    I am so sorry I had no idea you were going through this. Know that you will be in our prayers. You have always been someone that I look up to as being strong and amazing and I know you will be blessed for your faithfulness. We will be thinking of you!

  • Monya, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and will pray for you. I'll keep putting your name on the prayer roll each Wed. when we go work in the Baptistry. You're a great woman and I've seen the strong faith you have. Pray for courage.
    Love, gayle oxox

  • Monya…

    I have tears reading your post… YOU are a rock – I don't know what you're supposed to be learning from this either- but maybe it's others that will learn from you and your example…
    LOVE your attitude. You WILL beat this.



  • Monya,I hope you know how much you mean to alot of people. If anyone can't beat this it's you. You are strong and you will get through this. We love the the williams family and you will be in our prayers constantly. Love you Monya!! Love Melissa

  • Monya, how awful! I hope everything goes OK. I will include you in our prayers. You are strong! Know that you are not alone! Take Care, let me know if you every need help!

  • Monya,
    Tawny told me today about what youre going thru. I love how you put into words your thoughts. Somehow it helps to write it down when were going thru some of our trials. You're an awesome woman/mom with a great support system. And I can tell your tough!! Know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you.
    Sandy H.

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